0

there.

I asked you to kiss me.
But you got in your car,
while I stood there, ridiculously.
I made myself vulnerable.
I put myself out there.
I asked for what I wanted.
I just did, you said.
That was the moment.
I made the decision,
to never let you hurt me again.
I will not ache for your touch.
I will never stand there,
with hopeful eyes,
asking you to love me
with more than words.
So, when you wonder,
why I gave up, quit –
that was the moment.
I opened myself to you,
and you sewed me shut
with a needlepoint –
neatly stitched with
“not interested.”

 

0

drinking games.

tipsy.
can’t feel my brain.
or my feelings.
what are emotions even?
just fuckin’ drunk right now.
could sleep it off,
the booze is gone,
that’s true.
tipsy. that’s true too.
music.
i should dance,
but wine. wine down.
i’m winding down.
could run for days.
could sleep for days.
tipsy, turvey,
sleepy, swervy.
go to sleep.
wake up tomorrow,
like today never existed.

0

chair.

It’s funny how a chair in a picture,
in a house you used to walk in and out of,
like it was your own, like you lived there
because you almost sort of did –
it’s funny how that chair – just in the background
sitting there like a book or a shelf
or some other thing that has found its place there –
that chair, let me tell you, it’s a memory
hidden right there in plain sight.
it’s seen a lot, that chair has,
holds a lot of memories and if you look here
at this picture, maybe you can see them.
or maybe not, because after all,
it is just a chair. a piece of furniture,
can’t talk at all, or so you’d think.
but it’s okay. it’s okay.

0

fire.

she’s burning coal,
chasing fire like the wind,
red spots, hot spots,
foggy and misty,
she’s chokin’ on smoke
and tasting memories
that burn her throat.
eyes red. heart black.
she’s on fire.
she’s the fire.
destruction everywhere she turns
the worlds on fire
it’s a beautiful agony
she burning earth
scorching everything she touches
raining fire,
pouring heat,
embers and atoms
she can’t stop
the tornado she’s become
will not be wilted by water
will not be slowed raging seas
she’s burning, endlessly
blazing internally, eternity
only thing to calm her,
is another fire,
burning just as fierce
as her own.

 

0

superman

I rise up in the mornings,
put on my superman cape
paste a smile on my face,
I will show them what it means
To be brave. To be fierce.
I will sip my coffee
like a hero toasting courage,
My back will be straight.
I will be poised. Perfect.
I will be the rock in the storm,
unmovable, unmalleable.
Always sure of my steps
Always positive. Always optimistic.
I will be the knight,
the guard, the shepherd.
Until my watch is over,
and then I will go home.
I will sit in the shower,
and let myself feel.
I will take off the smile,
I will not be brave or fierce.
I will cry and weep
and hurt for them and for me.
So that tomorrow,
I can rise up in the morning
and put on my superman cape.

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chaos in a bottle.

she’s fucking chaos in a bottle
brains on fire
thoughts inside a jetpack.
she’s reckless, venturesome
whispering to the wind
cat-calling to the past
she’s fucking chaos in a bottle
one she’s been drinking
from. like amphetamine
slow down wild child.
stop driving down the lane
where the fucking memories live
stay here. living in the present.
but she’s already gone
flying to the future,
singing her own song
fuck her, fuck them, fuck ’em all
she’s just fucking chaos in a bottle.

0

burn with me.

let me share this fire with you,

come taste the ash

that surrounds me like smoke.

flames licking fingertips,

just touch it.

it won’t hurt you.

just let it burn for awhile.

let the light consume the darkness in you.

you just don’t know,

just how much this will cleanse your soul.

come.

burn with me.

0

little bird.

Fly little bird, fly away
Fly from those fires that rage
Find your peace in darkness
Find your quiet in the night
Fly little bird, far away

Fly with the wind at your back
Fly with the hope in your soul
Flap those wings
May angels carry you
To a destination far from
These fires that rage

Fly, fly you free spirited thing
Fly away, fly where you can sing
Fly to open waters of the sea
Fly where you can be, just be
Fly little bird,
Away from these fires that rage

Little bird, little bird,
These fires rage so beautifully
Fly away, fly little bird
From these fires that rage
-Inside of you.

0

tiny

You make me feel small.
Tiny.
Ant like.
Like the ant who couldn’t do anything right.
You have no idea,
just how much you take
and take and take.
All I wanted was you.
And you couldn’t give me that.
You make me feel just like he did
The person I am too insignicant,
but my chaos too significant.
Just go ahead and suffocate me.
You won’t even notice.