you said you loved me, and i believed you. but you left me shipwrecked, you threw me in the ocean, with weights on my feet. sinking, down i go, bottom of the sea. im not responsible for you, for any part of you, i cant be what you need, you say to me. but you did this to me, tore down my walls, let me peer into yours, and then when you got me naked, when all the bricks had fallen, you realized the inside wasn't perfect, and you didn't want it anymore, but you love me, that's what you said. and i tried. i tried so hard to show you love. i tried. i tried. i tried.
peel.
generic answers, because i dont want to be an onion, no more layers, peel me back and you just get a potato, stark, white, hard. you will need more than fire and boiling water to make me soft again.
free.
maybe you should be medicated, NO! NO! NO! the darkness swirls around me, threatens to drown me in its depths sinking seems so easy, drifting to the bottom, let the weight of the world, carry me to the end. but i wasn't built that way, created from fine grained grit and spite washed by the fires of fortune, i will not go gently into the dark night i will not! no phoenix rising from the ashes, no wings to spread wide just a damned and determined thing, switch flips. christmas lights, new books, bar stool, fried pickles, foggy mountain mornings, coasting down the mountain, late night walks, new PRs, diet sundrops, baby snuggles, couch potato winter air so crisp contentment runs river deep, joyriding veins straight to the heart, valleys of sunshine and green grass, sorrow banished to haunting the edges of the forest, i am free. i am free.
he said i love you but, its not enough
i love you but, i bought a house and forgot (i mean didn't) tell you, and also, i love you but, i didn't ask you to the dance. i love you but, she left her panties at my place. i love you but, i can't call you (i won't call you) i love you but, i never bought you a christmas present. i love you but, i can't be with you (because im stuck) i love you but, im too busy. too hurt. too. i love you but, i dont like touching you and why don't you do the dishes. i love you but, i don't want to kiss you. i love you but, im leaving because i care about you. i love you, but you're not invited, because you're not allowed to come (because she will be there and obviously we're fucking and how come you didn't see it) i love you but you're too much. i love you but, you need too much (even though you never asked for anything) i thought i knew what love was i thought i did, but maybe i just know what it isnt.
summon.
trying to call you back to me, like summoning a spirit, youre the only ghost i want to be haunted by.
ash
i thought i knew what love was, dishing it out spoonfuls at a time, overflowing the gravy bowl right onto the table. it leaks through the tablecloth, staining the wood brown black turning into mold and rot leaving a hole big enough for a person to just slide right through get your dress hiked up, slide it right off and get fucked, scrapes and scratches and scars, and staring up through that hole like you can see the stars through the ceiling it's just nothingness out there, anyway just empty abyss, just keep your gravy in the pot, let it burn to ash.
god.
god has a funny sense of humor, thoughts in your head by the thousands but you cant string them out in a straight line begging for love and just like a genie he grants your wish, but at a cost you hadn't considered.
home
i love you.
relapse.
it was an afternoon love affair, with a plastic spoon, sweating inside a car that smells like stale coffee. tear drops forming, it's too early to cry. it's too fucking early to cry.
poetry
poetry is red wine and rum, your words dancing around me like butterflies in the dawn youre the girl i think about you say, and you fold into me like the way chocolate chips fold into cookie dough batter, baked to perfection, i love you, you say ive loved you for so long, i whisper ive always known this moment existed suspended in time somewhere waiting for us to reach it, and here we are. its poetry, i swear.
soul. speak. 