i realized tonight, 
that i do not know 
how to be loved. 
i know how to give,
and bend and break,
but i do not know
how to accept
when the earth moves
to make room
for my roots. 

i wish i could take the ache 
from inside you,
and fill it with warm
and hope
and fire
and all the light.
lay on my chest and let me
love you until 
the sun creeps
through the window. 
you will always be safe with me. 

i never know,
if you mean you cant 
love me at all
or if you just cant
love me right now. 

i told the wind,
how much i loved you,
and how much i missed you.

i am drunk,
and tomorrow i will regret this, 
but i love you,
and sometimes,
i make bad decisions. 

i tell myself,
i will talk to you tomorrow. 
i will cave, tomorrow. 
maybe i can tomorrow
myself into moving
on from this. 
like maybe, tomorrow
i wont remember you
saying how you want to
know all the things. 
maybe tomorrow. 

i can feel myself slipping,
sliding slowly into spaces
that are too small
for me to breathe in. 
elephant in my chest, 
weights on my feet. 
i walked into this room,
voluntarily. 
and now it won't let me leave.
i know this dance,
but you can't skip steps. 
move
move
move.
or it will swallow you. 

sometimes,
it still takes my breath away
to remember you. 
i want to be free. 
just let me be free.

they say, 
it's the wolf you feed
that gets the strength,
but they don't talk about
the monsters,
the ones that eat 
wolves for dinner
bones and all. 
monsters do not
give
a
single
fuck. 

i try to fit a lifetime,
into a single conversation,
but the problem is that,
a lifetime is too much
to share with someone
who doesn't care
if you're alive at all.