maybe you should be medicated,
the darkness swirls around me,
threatens to drown me in its depths
sinking seems so easy, 
drifting to the bottom, 
let the weight of the world,
carry me to the end.
but i wasn't built that way,
created from fine grained grit and spite
washed by the fires of fortune,
i will not go gently into the dark night
i will not!
no phoenix rising from the ashes, 
no wings to spread wide
just a damned and determined thing,
switch flips. 
christmas lights, new books, bar stool, fried pickles,
foggy mountain mornings, 
coasting down the mountain,
late night walks, new PRs,
diet sundrops, baby snuggles, couch potato
winter air so crisp
contentment runs river deep,
joyriding veins straight to the heart,
valleys of sunshine and green grass,
sorrow banished to haunting the edges of the forest,
i am free. 
i am free.


he said i love you but, its not enough

i love you but,
i bought a house and forgot
(i mean didn't)
tell you, and also,
i love you but,
i didn't ask you to the dance.
i love you but,
she left her panties
at my place.
i love you but,
i can't call you
(i won't call you)
i love you but,
i never bought you 
a christmas present. 
i love you but,
i can't be with you
(because im stuck)
i love you but,
im too busy. too hurt. too. 
i love you but,
i dont like touching you
and why don't you do the dishes.
i love you but,
i don't want to kiss you.
i love you but,
im leaving because i care about you.
i love you,
but you're not invited,
because you're not allowed to come
(because she will be there
and obviously we're fucking
and how come you didn't see it)
i love you but
you're too much. 
i love you but,
you need too much
(even though you never
asked for anything)
i thought i knew what love was
i thought i did, 
but maybe i just know what it isnt.



i have been in the place that you are,
where the world seems upside down,
and the ache in your chest seems unending.
you are not something to be fixed,
but you are someone to be loved.
all the pieces of you, the hurt ones
and the ones that are strong and beautiful
and the ones that you are still figuring out.
someone else’s pain should never be
used as ammunition —
you are safe with me.
i am going to love you, relentlessly.
and if you decide that you can’t be loved
in this way, then so be it,
but i will not love you less because you are afraid.



you are the sun
warming my face
while i sit precariously
on the edge of some
far away tall place. 
and you are the
smell of rain in summer
musky and sweet and calm. 
you are a house - built with 
strong bones and a kitchen
that smells inevitably 
like coffee and warmth.
you are blue and green
and gray like the sea.
soothing and beautiful,
filled with mystery, still. 
you are laughter and safety,
a joke poised on pursed lips
and light so bright
the sun is only a dark smudge.
you are are music
and dancing
spinning in time with mother earth;
melodies that i hope
i hear forever. 

kitchen talks.

its 1 am and some change,
and you're dancing with me,
round and round and round,
we're spinning in slow motion
drunk on red wine and jager
and whatever the fuck this is -
this thing with you that has me so high,
i can see the ocean from the sky
and its the blue in your eyes
and i could drown, happily
suffocated by a sea of blue and gray.
i am interested. you are very pretty.
you say. 
youre so gorgeous.
i say.
this will always be ours, 
this laughter in the earliest 
parts of a new day and 
even if this is all there is. 
the things that have lived inside
my head tumble out in spirals
and you just let it flow over you
this waterfall of words and you take it
so easily like this wave is not too much.