0

wanted.

i think the thing
that is most impressive,
is that someone who knew me
for only four hours,
knew me better than you
and you had six years
of mornings and nights.
maybe he’s just another
goodbye to make me cry,
but i’ll be damned
if he didn’t kiss me
like he meant it.
and maybe he was lying,
just to get me naked,
but he’d already stripped me
with my clothes on.
funny how words can
take the clothes off your soul.
he didn’t even know
how he was holding me together,
like you never fucking did.
just met, yet,
he told me i was funny.
and fucking adorable.
he wanted to touch me.
how fucking cool is that?
he.
wanted.
to.
touch.
me.
he knew i wanted him to kiss me,
i didn’t have to fucking beg.
or ask.
or cry for it.
he said he saw it in my face,
wonder then –
how many times did you see that look
and just turn the fuck away?
everytime i find myself missing you,
and hurting and aching,
i just remind myself of that last time,
standing in the fucking driveway,
begging you to fucking kiss me.
and you didn’t.
that was the last time you didn’t,
but it wasn’t the first time.
so fuck you.
i hope he’s good guy,
but even if he turns out
to be a complete fucking dick,
he made me feel wanted.
and that’s all i wanted.
it’s all i’ve ever wanted.

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0

tbt

i think about the throwback Thursdays
that will come, inevitably
how my heart will break again
the first time i see you
with a face that’s not mine,
arms wrapped around somebody,
who’s not me,
somebody you could love a little more
want more, need more.

0

nostalgia.

I let myself miss you tonight;
for a fleeting moment I remembered
the you that you were
when I loved you the most,
not this being that you became;
I catch glimpses of you,
sometimes while I’m out.
I can see you in the bookstore,
on the couch, on a side street;
it’s just a memory,
you aren’t really there;
just a vague nostalgia
that leaves me with the taste of history.
I hope you are well,
be well, stay well,
wherever you are,
in whatever you do.
I hope that once in a while,
you might think of me too,
just for a fleeting moment,
I hope you miss me,
just like I miss you.

0

alive.

there are people who say that
you will forget words and actions,
but never the feelings.
those people are right.
i can barely remember your face,
or your touch or your laugh.
i can’t remember the depths of your eyes,
or the way you smiled.
i can’t remember the shape of you,
or the feel of you against me.
i can’t recall the moment that i decided
that i. wanted. you.
the first time i saw you?
the first time i kissed you?
the first time you touched me?
no, i can’t remember much about you at all,
except that for a moment in time,
i was alive.
i was trapped in your fire,
burning and smoldering,
and yet,
i was more alive than i had ever been.

2

too much.

don’t tell’em how you feel,
don’t let’em know you’re crazy
never tell’em that you cry,
at night,
when you’re alone.
always be strong.
don’t ask for a thing.
let’em buy you a drink,
smile when you kiss’em.
make that light in your eye,
shine so fuckin’ bright,
they’ll never see,
just how you’re dyin’.
catch and release,
never say whatcha mean to me.
no room for honesty.
don’t even fuckin’ breathe.
count to ten,
every time you wanna give in,
just don’t.
don’t say the words
with the feelings
and the hopes and the dreams.
hold back every fuckin’ scream.
you’re enough, you know that
but for them it’s too much,

0

Skin.

Sitting here in the dark,
remembering how it felt
to be skin to skin with you.
To feel fire and heat and hot
and to be wanted, oh you just don’t know
how solace can be found
in the arms of a lover.
To be wanted,
to feel alive, for the first time.
Being born again from flames,
taking away the rage,
taking away the pain.
You are so beautiful,
in every light, every angle.
To know the depth of you,
is where my compass would point.
To extend this peace for a long while yet,
to never have you leave.
To be here wrapped in your embrace,
to never say goodbye again.
Temporarily insane.
The place I want to leave my soul,
is here, in this bed with you,
skin to skin.