you don't feel like smoke, you feel like solid ground.
you love me when you’re drunk,
and my body is yours for the taking,
but you don’t even like me
when you’re sober.
eyes the color of green sea glass, you promise me dancing, you say you'll marry me, and we know it's a joke, but there's a part of me, that wonders if maybe winter is finally ending.
*trigger warning. *not suicidal, but if you are, please reach out for help. something in me craves life, the way that someone not sober craves a little wine-whiskey-mixed drink. even so, even so, the fantasy of blowing my brains out by the pond, under the trees, wide brown eyes looking up at the gray sky, while the water drifts. solace.
they whisper to you, tell you they love you tell you they want you, tell you you're beautiful, tell you you're special, they tell you you are safe warm comfortable. but they lie.
i realized tonight, that i do not know how to be loved. i know how to give, and bend and break, but i do not know how to accept when the earth moves to make room for my roots.
i wish i could take the ache from inside you, and fill it with warm and hope and fire and all the light. lay on my chest and let me love you until the sun creeps through the window. you will always be safe with me.
i never know, if you mean you cant love me at all or if you just cant love me right now.
i told the wind, how much i loved you, and how much i missed you.
i am drunk, and tomorrow i will regret this, but i love you, and sometimes, i make bad decisions.