fear will eat you alive,
if you let it.
i’m telling you –
it will swallow you
from the inside out.
it will creep into your bones
like fire until you’re nothing
but ashes on the ground.
there are people who say that
you will forget words and actions,
but never the feelings.
those people are right.
i can barely remember your face,
or your touch or your laugh.
i can’t remember the depths of your eyes,
or the way you smiled.
i can’t remember the shape of you,
or the feel of you against me.
i can’t recall the moment that i decided
that i. wanted. you.
the first time i saw you?
the first time i kissed you?
the first time you touched me?
no, i can’t remember much about you at all,
except that for a moment in time,
i was alive.
i was trapped in your fire,
burning and smoldering,
i was more alive than i had ever been.
Sitting here in the dark,
remembering how it felt
to be skin to skin with you.
To feel fire and heat and hot
and to be wanted, oh you just don’t know
how solace can be found
in the arms of a lover.
To be wanted,
to feel alive, for the first time.
Being born again from flames,
taking away the rage,
taking away the pain.
You are so beautiful,
in every light, every angle.
To know the depth of you,
is where my compass would point.
To extend this peace for a long while yet,
to never have you leave.
To be here wrapped in your embrace,
to never say goodbye again.
The place I want to leave my soul,
is here, in this bed with you,
skin to skin.
Why don’t you just pay a-fucking-ttention,
here’s my words that I’m screamin’
why don’t you give a-fucking damn?
Why’m I pissed?
Why’m I fruster-fucking-ated?
Live my life, walk in my shoes.
Tell me, can you feel the rocks?
The ice, the glass, the grass,
through the soles of my shoes.
Your sole in my sole,
can you feel my soul?
I can see you standing there
in a circle of fire – why’re you a liar?
Don’t deny it – I can see it,
You’re just smoke and ashes.
Like everyone else.
Just like every-fucking-one else.
Watch your words,
mind your tone.
Fuck you, I’m going home.
What home you say?
Cause you been there,
you know how flame licks out,
ignites everything it touches.
You could burn a town to the ground,
you could set the world on fire,
burn it down tree by tree.
So, why’m I so angry?
You’re standing there in my shoes,
red flames racing up the laces,
remains catching in a gray wind.
Don’t blame me for these flames.
White hot mist is what you’ll become,
if you keep wearing those shoes.
Take them off.
Please take them off.
Round faces, round eyes –
washed of innocence,
that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
A story unheard of,
suffering – is there something beyond that?
Something so deep that it warps
both the mind and the soul.
How do you take the sheep
down to the slaughter,
knowing what awaits them?
A shepherd leading his flock
into the waiting arms of wolves.
How black was your soul, shepherd?
How black was your heart, shepherd?
Who will bring vengeance to you?
Who will dress in wolves clothing,
who will rage against you?
Out of the shadows, he will come.
My ears are big to hear your lies,
my ears are big to hear their truth.
He will say –
and he will rage against them.
Our of the shadows, she will come.
My eyes are large to see your darkness,
my eyes are large to see their light.
She will say –
and she will rage against them.
Our mouths are hungry for revenge,
Our mouths are hungry for justice.
They will say –
and they will rage against them.
They will shed the clothing of wolves
and they will carry fire in their hearts,
fire and fury and vengeance,
and they will be the good shepherds.
Shepherds who will not be quieted,
by those who bring the sheep to slaughter.
rise up from the ashes of who you have been.
rise up, i say to you – rise up, rise up again!
let the person you were stay right there –
let it live in the dust of yesterday.
the flames that tried to dwindle you to ash
could never destroy all that you are –
so rise up – lift your bones out of the dirt
present them to the world so white and clean.
never has anyone been so beautiful as you –
you were never so blue as those flames
just a hued aster in some faraway field.