i say i love you.
i say it in that way that
gives you permission not
to respond;
like maybe its a joke,
or you’re just a friend,
or maybe you did something
nice and it’s just a thank you.
i say i love you.
aftertaste like burnt cheese
stuck to the roof of your mouth,
hot fire you can’t spit out.
i push down all those
questions like
do you love me too?
can you just tell me
that you want me.
just me.
i pretend like i’m not insecure
even though i look in the mirror
and i fucking hate that girl
with the shit brown eyes
and the fucked up hair.
i hate her so fucking much.
i know what they say,
i know what i say,
but it’d feel so good just to
hear you say it.
just once –
i love you.
i love you so much.
you move the fuck away
and here i am,
writing shitty poems
wishing i was wrapped up
in you like the night sky
says goodnight to the earth.
Tag Archives: sad
ghost
even the chaos doesn’t distract me enough,
a hundred thousand questions can’t stop me
from torturing myself.
i wanted you.
i wanted you in the way that an addict
wants that hit of whatever gets them
the heaven they think they want.
i wanted to bury myself inside of you,
burrow right into your soul.
i wanted to see what made you,
the good, the bad, the things you hide.
i guess,
in a way,
i did see all that shit.
the light, the dark, the depth,
just, that’s all i could get.
just a view in from the outside,
i hope you are well,
and i hope that you really are as beautiful
as i made you out to be,
inevitably, i’ll think of you,
this isn’t goodbye,
it’s not a see you later,
it’s a graveyard epitaph,
for a living ghost.
safe place.
you are a safe place.
strong and steady and firm,
a place barely discovered,
yet so, so beautiful.
maybe it will only be for a moment,
a place of temporary respite,
from winds that rage.
maybe you will be an island,
where i can lose myself, completely.
shipwrecked for days and months.
i dont know what is next –
in minutes or seconds or moments,
all i know is that for now – for today,
you are my safest place.
inside my head.
The things on the inside that no one sees.
The things that kill you slowly and silently.
The things no one will believe –
that you never wanted to be crazy;
that you have words you want to say,
but you can’t because they’re trapped in your head
right behind that smile you put on.
right behind that smile.
soul. speak. 