Author Archives: thenspeaksthesoul

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lies.

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I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I hold onto this fantasy that you’ll come over late one night and tell me how much you missed me and you love me and let’s work it out. I packed your things, I encouraged you to go, because I couldn’t look at you anymore. It hurt too much. I love you. I love you so much, but you hurt me. I just wanted you to want me. I wanted you to conquer the world with me, but here we are. My soul aches for you. I tell my friends I don’t miss you. I tell my therapist I don’t miss you. I tell everyone I don’t miss you at all, but God kows I do.

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#fromthedraftsfolder

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I think the thing that gets me the most is that people have this inability to look past laws and borders and cultures and skin and see another human being – and I don’t get that. I don’t get how you can look an innocent child in the eye and say “you don’t belong here.” I don’t get how you can be so wrapped up in political lines and invisible fences that you lose the ability to see another human being as just that – another human being. Someone with fears and insecurities and hopes and dreams – just like you.
 
I don’t get how you can look someone in the eye and essentially say that they only have value as a human being if they follow the rules you think they should follow. We break the rules every day when we think other people aren’t looking. Maybe we were texting and driving. Maybe we had a little too much to drink. Maybe we didn’t scan that one item in the bottom of the cart. Maybe we blurred the lines on our taxes. So many rules that we break every day – and somehow, without an ounce of guilt, we can look at another human being and value them less because they don’t live up to our expectations.
 
I don’t get how we can expect compassion and yet we give none. We want leniency in our own lives, but we give none. I don’t understand how you can go through life surrounded by so many people with so many stories and you simply don’t care because it doesn’t concern you. Maybe I’m just overly curious.
 
Because I want to know why. I want to know why someone crosses the border to come to a country where they could be deported any minute. I want to know how someone got to the point that they’re posting videos on Youtube and you know they need help and yet here we sit – watching with pity or laughter – but still watching. I want to know why people would rather go to war than be educated. How did we get to be so callous?
 
How is it that we put more value on working hard than we do laughter and family, when at the end of the day we’re all dying. Why do we say “I don’t come to work to make friends” when those are the people you see everyday. Who wants to go to work and be miserable everyday? Why is working hard and being exhausted and broken and miserable a commendable characteristic? Calvinism?
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#fromthedraftsfolder

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Your words burn my soul like bright flame to a lone sheet of paper, mottled with eraser marks and pencil hearts. It is as though you have reached bare-handed through my skin, taken my heart between your fingers, and opened it to my very being. Inch by inch, your words unravel it with the same finesse as an angry sea with a sailboat. I would beg you to be kinder if I thought you would hear it, but I know that my words would fall far short of truly reaching you. You would sooner rip my soul to pieces and leave the pieces to the Devil rather than see that you are no better than the others. You speak of peace and love and truth, but you would sooner have me drown in the ocean rather than believe in peace, or give love, or search for truth in anything other than what you already have found.