i tell myself,
i will talk to you tomorrow. 
i will cave, tomorrow. 
maybe i can tomorrow
myself into moving
on from this. 
like maybe, tomorrow
i wont remember you
saying how you want to
know all the things. 
maybe tomorrow. 

i can feel myself slipping,
sliding slowly into spaces
that are too small
for me to breathe in. 
elephant in my chest, 
weights on my feet. 
i walked into this room,
voluntarily. 
and now it won't let me leave.
i know this dance,
but you can't skip steps. 
move
move
move.
or it will swallow you. 

sometimes,
it still takes my breath away
to remember you. 
i want to be free. 
just let me be free.

they say, 
it's the wolf you feed
that gets the strength,
but they don't talk about
the monsters,
the ones that eat 
wolves for dinner
bones and all. 
monsters do not
give
a
single
fuck. 

i try to fit a lifetime,
into a single conversation,
but the problem is that,
a lifetime is too much
to share with someone
who doesn't care
if you're alive at all.

it's the littlest things
that make me think of you,
and then suddenly i am
back in my kitchen at 2 am
drunk on love and red wine. 
and you were right about it,
i do deserve better
than someone who says
that they want to know me
and then says nevermind,
like im something to be
discarded when its inconvienent.
fuck you, 
and fuck your feelings. 

you stripped me. 
and you want to know
why im naked. 

oh honey,
the sooner you realize
that no one wants you,
the better off you'll be. 

chasing fire,
but all i get is ashes and smoke. 
what's it take to feel alive,
just want to burn forever,
feel high forever,
doesn't matter how much
fucking gasoline there is. 
never gonna settle for candles
that melt over time,
no sir.
its the centralia mine fire,
or its nothing. 

always too much.
too many words,
too many feelings
and too much of both
at the same time. 
i knew you would drown
but i couldnt stop.
i couldnt stop
being too, too much. 
and you dont
want commitment right now
but i dont know
what that means. 
why did you say
all the right things,
if you didnt mean them
and why do you feel
like forever.
why do you feel like forever.