i love you.

sometimes if i try hard enough,
i can feel your skin
beneath my fingers,
silk and strength and finesse.
eyes so blue and gray,
that i can smell the ocean
when i look into them.
i can hear your laughter,
a secret melody
that only i can hear.
it is no wonder that i love you
when your soul
is made of kindness
that bleeds through
even the darkest days.


i call it noise,
but it's just thoughts. 
thoughts that manifest
themselves in tears
and blue and purple bruises
that i could probably excuse,
but i wont have to. 
thoughts that are silent
but so damn loud at the same time.
existing is hard,
and living seems impossible.
i dont know how to 
stop my brain from circling.

i said im sorry.

i said im sorry
that you caused me pain
and i promise not
to do it again. 
ill be patient and kind.
ill be quiet and soft. 
ill be pleasant,
and i wont be angry. 
ill be anything that 
you can imagine.
ill take the 40 lashes,
if you'll promise to 
comfort me after.
im so sorry
that you hurt me,
i didnt mean to.