it's the littlest things
that make me think of you,
and then suddenly i am
back in my kitchen at 2 am
drunk on love and red wine. 
and you were right about it,
i do deserve better
than someone who says
that they want to know me
and then says nevermind,
like im something to be
discarded when its inconvienent.
fuck you, 
and fuck your feelings. 

mine fire.

chasing fire,
but all i get is ashes and smoke. 
what's it take to feel alive,
just want to burn forever,
feel high forever,
doesn't matter how much
fucking gasoline there is. 
never gonna settle for candles
that melt over time,
no sir.
its the centralia mine fire,
or its nothing. 


always too much.
too many words,
too many feelings
and too much of both
at the same time. 
i knew you would drown
but i couldnt stop.
i couldnt stop
being too, too much. 
and you dont
want commitment right now
but i dont know
what that means. 
why did you say
all the right things,
if you didnt mean them
and why do you feel
like forever.
why do you feel like forever.

i love you.

sometimes if i try hard enough,
i can feel your skin
beneath my fingers,
silk and strength and finesse.
eyes so blue and gray,
that i can smell the ocean
when i look into them.
i can hear your laughter,
a secret melody
that only i can hear.
it is no wonder that i love you
when your soul
is made of kindness
that bleeds through
even the darkest days.


i call it noise,
but it's just thoughts. 
thoughts that manifest
themselves in tears
and blue and purple bruises
that i could probably excuse,
but i wont have to. 
thoughts that are silent
but so damn loud at the same time.
existing is hard,
and living seems impossible.
i dont know how to 
stop my brain from circling.