it's the littlest things that make me think of you, and then suddenly i am back in my kitchen at 2 am drunk on love and red wine. and you were right about it, i do deserve better than someone who says that they want to know me and then says nevermind, like im something to be discarded when its inconvienent. fuck you, and fuck your feelings.
you stripped me. and you want to know why im naked.
oh honey, the sooner you realize that no one wants you, the better off you'll be.
chasing fire, but all i get is ashes and smoke. what's it take to feel alive, just want to burn forever, feel high forever, doesn't matter how much fucking gasoline there is. never gonna settle for candles that melt over time, no sir. its the centralia mine fire, or its nothing.
always too much. too many words, too many feelings and too much of both at the same time. i knew you would drown but i couldnt stop. i couldnt stop being too, too much. and you dont want commitment right now but i dont know what that means. why did you say all the right things, if you didnt mean them and why do you feel like forever. why do you feel like forever.
sometimes if i try hard enough, i can feel your skin beneath my fingers, silk and strength and finesse. eyes so blue and gray, that i can smell the ocean when i look into them. i can hear your laughter, a secret melody that only i can hear. it is no wonder that i love you when your soul is made of kindness that bleeds through even the darkest days.
i just want to fucking love you,
why can’t that be enough?
i want to crawl out of my skin, shed this ache and leave it like a ghost. do i have to feel this haunted everytime i think i am free.
i call it noise, but it's just thoughts. thoughts that manifest themselves in tears and blue and purple bruises that i could probably excuse, but i wont have to. thoughts that are silent but so damn loud at the same time. existing is hard, and living seems impossible. i dont know how to stop my brain from circling.
functional. the problem with functional, is that no one accounts for all the times you contemplate blowing your brains out as you sit by the water. as long as you show up to work, wash. rinse. repeat. functional.