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conquer.

conquering the world,
because that is what i do.
not to be brave
or courageous.
but to forget.
to prove i dont need you.
that i can do this,
alone.
on my own.
no matter how much it hurts.

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freedom

this is what freedom feels like
wind in my hair
music so loud i cant hear
the thoughts whirling in my head.
open roads.
stop lights, stop signs.
peace. quiet.
comfort.
clothes on the floor
shoes by the door
my reflection in the window.
i am alone.
i am one with the world.

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Self.

Fingernails up an arm,
down an arm.
red lines, then nothing.
Head banging into hands,
not so hard as to damage,
but to say stupid, stupid, stupid.
A brain that won’t work right,
a mind that won’t stop,
words that circle, in circles.
Breathing is an art,
regret is a black mark,
panic is the cause.
Control is the craving,
an addiction, but not quite.
You can’t cure an addiction.
Arms hug me tight –
You are okay and fine
Wait, those arms are mine.